The Mal O’Donnell poetry archive
Mal O’Donnell lives in Cardiff and has prostate cancer. He writes poems about his experiences.
The poem The waiting room
The waiting room or the outpatients in a cancer hospital are not like any other hospital, there is only one reason people are there, just saying the word is enough to frighten most people, but attending a cancer hospital over months and years can really wear you down, I wrote this poem hoping to convey, how hard it can be for people to show how they really feel, in a room filled with fear, anxiety, stress, hopes, doubts and wishes, while waiting for good news or bad.
It’s hard to find love
On show in this place
Backs against the wall
Stiff upper lip
Don’t let your emotions
Start to slip
If the floodgates start to open
You know they won’t stop
So, we must stick together
Before we go over the top
Let’s talk about the weather
It really looks like a nice day
But don’t look too far ahead
Storm clouds could be gathering
Inside your head
I can’t sit next to you or you or you
And invade your space
The subject you want to talk about
Is written all over your face
All the words fly around
We are just wasting time
So we can slowly move up
To the front of the line
When our name is called
No words left to say
We are going in
To find out
If it really is a sunny day
Same Old Clothes Same Green Light
My first day of radiotherapy had been a shambles, everything has been running late the waiting room was crowded, I didn’t know what to expect this was the start of four weeks of treatment, I arranged with the staff to stay in my car and they would call me when they were ready for me, giving me time to get my head around what was happening to me and to think about the one person who I needed at this time.
Same clothes same green lights
All the way
Same wait
It’s a de`ja` vu day
Sat in the car listened to music
Wait for the call
It’s changed no stress
No messing with my head
That first day has been
Put to bed
Now the routine of
The quiet man
Just time to try
And understand
What is happening
To me
To sit and think what
Has brought me
To this place
This space inside my
Head
Filled with questions
All unsaid
I have come so far
Without the love who
Stood by me
And made me see
Where I should always
Be
How I wish I could see
Your face
Hold your hand
For you to take command
Of me
To tell me what to do
With a smile or a frown
That told me
You would never
Let me down
Friend
Being told you have cancer is something you never wanted to hear, being the first to know, you now have the unenviable job of telling those around you, in most cases the reaction to the initial shock is one of help and support however, some times the people you thought you could rely on, can let you down at the hardest of times.
Why did you say?
You would give me a call
Give me a call
Why did you say it?
When you really
Didn’t mean it
You really
Didn’t mean it
At all
You left me
On the ledge
On the edge
Thinking I had
A friend
Who I could
Depend on
Some one to
Lean on
Some one to
Take the pain
Away
For an hour
For a day
Some one I could
Say you understand
How it is
Now I know they
Were all just words
Crumbs you feed
The birds
Now your gone
I’m left to
Carry on
Looking for a crumb
Of comfort
On my own
LA5
When you start radiotherapy treatment you are assigned to a certain machine the number of the machine, I was assigned to was LA5, into my third week of radiotherapy you start wondering what is happening to me.
So here I go
Into the place
Where dreams are
Unable to flow
The lights are dim
The machine set free
Its power now
Focused on me
It saps my strength
It plays with my
Mind
It makes me sick
Turns my stomach
And makes me find
The things I thought
I’d left behind
The things I left
Unsaid
The things I wish
I’d Put to bed
Lying there with time
To spare
To wonder what
Is happening to me
Will I be the man
I used to be