![\"Shield](\"http:\/\/blogs.cardiff.ac.uk\/sarahlethbridgelean\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/554\/2025\/02\/Shield-of-Shame-Lethbridge.jpg\")
<\/figure>\nThe Shield of Shame: What is it & how can we help?<\/a><\/p>\n I looked at the shield and recognised each deflective and defensive action immediately.\u00a0 What was illuminating was that I recognised these reactions in other personal relationships too.<\/p>\n All of the 4 points of the Shield of Shame are pretty unpleasant and intensely irritating to deal with.\u00a0 The bottom of the shield, rage, is incredibly irksome of course, but the ones that particularly provoke me – an ardent, truth-telling<\/a> feminist – are the ones lurking at the top. Denying what happened, minimising the effect of what happened, and then somehow, turning the tables to blame someone else \u2026 most irritatingly of all, when this person is me!<\/p>\n In the same way that business language and business models help to articulate and validate what is happening in a business context, knowing that when someone does something wrong and they aren\u2019t emotionally able to maturely move into guilt – that they are going to react with rage, denial, blame and impressive minimisation tactics, helps you to deal with their reactions somehow.<\/p>\n Forewarned is forearmed.<\/p>\n I can\u2019t tell you that it\u2019s all still a breeze to deal with, but it does make you pause and breathe a bit more at least. \u00a0This Shield of Shame crosses over into my Gender Based Violence work too.\u00a0 A key feature of coercive control relationships or relationships where domestic violence exists is DARVO.<\/p>\n D<\/strong>eny, A<\/strong>ttack and R<\/strong>everse V<\/strong>ictim O<\/strong>ffender \u2013 i.e. when someone has a genuine grievance about something that has happened to them, the perpetrator of that offence has a clever way to shift their blame onto the person that they have hurt.\u00a0 For a recent, non-violent, example, watch this Love Island All Stars argument between Curtis and Ekin Su 8 minutes into episode 18 Love Island All Stars 2 – ITVX<\/a> (you know I value Love Island as a great teacher of truths<\/a>.) It\u2019s a rollercoaster all right.<\/p>\n You might be thinking \u2018another blog that doesn\u2019t have much business in it\u2019 but the thing is, if your kids can do it to you, your partners, loved ones and friends, then you can bet your bottom dollar it happens in the workplace too.<\/p>\n