Mal O’Donnell lives in Cardiff and has prostate cancer. He writes poems about his experiences.<\/p>\n
The waiting room or the outpatients in a cancer hospital are not like any other hospital, there is only one reason people are there, just saying the word is enough to frighten most people, but attending a cancer hospital over months and years can really wear you down, I wrote this poem hoping to convey, how hard it can be for people to show how they really feel, in a room filled with fear, anxiety, stress, hopes, doubts and wishes, while waiting for good news or bad.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s hard to find love<\/p>\n
On show in this place<\/p>\n
Backs against the wall<\/p>\n
Stiff upper lip<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t let your emotions<\/p>\n
Start to slip<\/p>\n
If the floodgates start to open<\/p>\n
You know they won\u2019t stop<\/p>\n
So, we must stick together<\/p>\n
Before we go over the top<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s talk about the weather<\/p>\n
It really looks like a nice day<\/p>\n
But don\u2019t look too far ahead<\/p>\n
Storm clouds could be gathering<\/p>\n
Inside your head<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t sit next to you or you or you<\/p>\n
And invade your space<\/p>\n
The subject you want to talk about<\/p>\n
Is written all over your face<\/p>\n
All the words fly around<\/p>\n
We are just wasting time<\/p>\n
So we can slowly move up<\/p>\n
To the front of the line<\/p>\n
When our name is called<\/p>\n
No words left to say<\/p>\n
We are going in<\/p>\n
To find out<\/p>\n
If it really is a sunny day<\/p>\n\n\n
Same Old Clothes<\/strong> Same Green Light<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n My first day of radiotherapy had been a shambles, everything has been running late the waiting room was crowded, I didn\u2019t know what to expect this was the start of four weeks of treatment, I arranged with the staff to stay in my car and they would call me when they were ready for me, giving me time to get my head around what was happening to me and to think about the one person who I needed at this time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Same clothes same green lights<\/p>\n\n\n\n All the way<\/p>\n\n\n\n Same wait<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s a de`ja` vu day<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sat in the car listened to music<\/p>\n\n\n\n Wait for the call<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s changed no stress<\/p>\n\n\n\n No messing with my head<\/p>\n\n\n\n That first day has been<\/p>\n\n\n\n Put to bed<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now the routine of<\/p>\n\n\n\n The quiet man<\/p>\n\n\n\n Just time to try<\/p>\n\n\n\n And understand<\/p>\n\n\n\n What is happening<\/p>\n\n\n\n To me<\/p>\n\n\n\n To sit and think what<\/p>\n\n\n\n Has brought me<\/p>\n\n\n\n To this place<\/p>\n\n\n\n This space inside my<\/p>\n\n\n\n Head<\/p>\n\n\n\n Filled with questions<\/p>\n\n\n\n All unsaid<\/p>\n\n\n\n I have come so far<\/p>\n\n\n\n Without the love who<\/p>\n\n\n\n Stood by me<\/p>\n\n\n\n And made me see<\/p>\n\n\n\n Where I should always<\/p>\n\n\n\n Be<\/p>\n\n\n\n How I wish I could see<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your face<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hold your hand<\/p>\n\n\n\n For you to take command<\/p>\n\n\n\n Of me<\/p>\n\n\n\n To tell me what to do<\/p>\n\n\n\n With a smile or a frown<\/p>\n\n\n\n That told me<\/p>\n\n\n\n You would never<\/p>\n\n\n\n Let me down<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Friend<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Being told you have cancer is something you never wanted to hear, being the first to know, you now have the unenviable job of telling those around you, in most cases the reaction to the initial shock is one of help and support however, some times the people you thought you could rely on, can let you down at the hardest of times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Why did you say?<\/p>\n\n\n\n You would give me a call<\/p>\n\n\n\n Give me a call<\/p>\n\n\n\n Why did you say it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you really<\/p>\n\n\n\n Didn\u2019t mean it<\/p>\n\n\n\n You really<\/p>\n\n\n\n Didn\u2019t mean it<\/p>\n\n\n\n At all<\/p>\n\n\n\n You left me<\/p>\n\n\n\n On the ledge<\/p>\n\n\n\n On the edge<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thinking I had<\/p>\n\n\n\n A friend<\/p>\n\n\n\n Who I could<\/p>\n\n\n\n Depend on<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some one to<\/p>\n\n\n\n Lean on<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some one to<\/p>\n\n\n\n Take the pain<\/p>\n\n\n\n Away<\/p>\n\n\n\n For an hour<\/p>\n\n\n\n For a day<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some one I could<\/p>\n\n\n\n Say you understand<\/p>\n\n\n\n How it is<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now I know they<\/p>\n\n\n\n Were all just words<\/p>\n\n\n\n Crumbs you feed<\/p>\n\n\n\n The birds<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now your gone<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m left to<\/p>\n\n\n\n Carry on<\/p>\n\n\n\n Looking for a crumb<\/p>\n\n\n\n Of comfort<\/p>\n\n\n\n On my own<\/p>\n\n\n\n LA5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n When you start radiotherapy treatment you are assigned to a certain machine the number of the machine, I was assigned to was LA5, into my third week of radiotherapy you start wondering what is happening to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So here I go<\/p>\n\n\n\n Into the place<\/p>\n\n\n\n Where dreams are<\/p>\n\n\n\n Unable to flow<\/p>\n\n\n\n The lights are dim<\/p>\n\n\n\n The machine set free<\/p>\n\n\n\n Its power now<\/p>\n\n\n\n Focused on me<\/p>\n\n\n\n It saps my strength<\/p>\n\n\n\n It plays with my<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mind<\/p>\n\n\n\n It makes me sick<\/p>\n\n\n\n Turns my stomach<\/p>\n\n\n\n And makes me find<\/p>\n\n\n\n The things I thought<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019d left behind<\/p>\n\n\n\n The things I left<\/p>\n\n\n\n Unsaid<\/p>\n\n\n\n The things I wish<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019d Put to bed<\/p>\n\n\n\n Lying there with time<\/p>\n\n\n\n To spare<\/p>\n\n\n\n To wonder what<\/p>\n\n\n\n Is happening to me<\/p>\n\n\n\n Will I be the man<\/p>\n\n\n\n I used to be<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Mal O'Donnell lives in Cardiff and has prostate cancer. He writes poems about his experiences. The poem The waiting room The waiting room or the outpatients in a cancer hospital […]","protected":false},"author":1413,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"meta_box":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.cardiff.ac.uk\/cancerservicesresearch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/17","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.cardiff.ac.uk\/cancerservicesresearch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.cardiff.ac.uk\/cancerservicesresearch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.cardiff.ac.uk\/cancerservicesresearch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1413"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.cardiff.ac.uk\/cancerservicesresearch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.cardiff.ac.uk\/cancerservicesresearch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/17\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":456,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.cardiff.ac.uk\/cancerservicesresearch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/17\/revisions\/456"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.cardiff.ac.uk\/cancerservicesresearch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.cardiff.ac.uk\/cancerservicesresearch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.cardiff.ac.uk\/cancerservicesresearch\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}