Student Wellbeing Champion, Natalie, discusses the real relationship goals…
We’ve all seen the hilarious ‘relationship goals’ memes – if you haven’t, a sneaky chortle or two is just a google search away. However, it’s not all hearts and rainbows (or mutual love of a games console, food ect). Perhaps the only real relationship goal is to be in a healthy and happy union with your partner.
Are you in a healthy relationship? Healthy relationships are based on the idea that both partners share power and control equally. You should feel safe and secure in the relationship.
Here are 6 ‘relationship goals’, the relative ingredients to a healthy and happy relationship.
You respect each other just the way you are. You are not trying to change or limit each other. You respect each other’s space and privacy and understand not all passwords and aspects of your lives need to be shared. You understand that it is not okay to go through each other’s phones, emails or social media accounts. You feel like you are being listened to in a non-judgmental way; your partner understands where you are coming from and values your opinions.
Trust and support
You trust each other. You know that if the other person is doing something without you, you trust that they are not going to do something bad. You understand that each of you have friends and activities you enjoy doing and you trust each other to carry out those activities. You respect each other’s opinions. Your partner also believes in you and supports your goals, ambitions and believes in you.
Honesty and accountability
You are open, clear and truthful to each other without being scared of the consequences. You acknowledge each other’s attitudes and behaviours. When unsure or wanting something, you ask instead of expecting the other person to just know what you want. You make big decisions together and value each other’s opinions.
You feel safe in the relationship. You are able to speak whenever you do not agree with something without being scared of the consequences. Your partner does not use intimidation or manipulation to convince you to get what they want, such as throwing things, threatening to hurt you, someone you love or themselves.
In a healthy relationship, you make compromises. However, it doesn’t mean that you should feel like you’re missing out and not being yourself. In the beginning of the relationship, you had your own lives including friends, interests and hobbies. This shouldn’t change as the relationship progresses. You should still be able to go out, do activities that you love and see your friends without feeling guilty or that you should give up on it.
Negotiation and fairness
If you are feeling stressed, distressed or concerned about your relationship, there is always someone for you to talk to. You accept that there isn’t always a right way to do things and you are willing to see it from each other’s side. You listen to each other, even when sometimes you may not completely agree.
Are you able to relate to these points? Do you think that you are in a happy and healthy relationship?
If you are having relationship difficulties and would like to talk to someone about it, you have the options of talking to someone from the TALK programme
. It is independent of Cardiff University (working across different universities in Vale of Glamorgan). The service specialises in relationships and domestic violence, and is completely confidential. If you think you would benefit from talking to someone who is specialised in this area, who can listen and give advice non-judgementally, here are the contact details:
If you are an LGBT+ student, we also have more specialised support available. Find out more in our blog about the support available for LGBT+ Students.